17.

So, I had my appointment at Artworks today! We got lost on the way there despite Emili’s thorough directions. I think it was my parents’ first time downtown. :) So we got there and we sat and talked with the people we needed to talk to and we got a little tour. Everyone seemed really nice despite the stares I could feel on me. (That happens anywhere when you’re “new”.) So, now it’s up to my parents. I’ve told them that I want to go there and I really think they’re open to it. They said that it seems positive. Hopefully it’ll work out!

16.

I’m leaving school early tomorrow to go and check out Artworks. I’m nervous for no apparent reason other than not being able to go there. I’m just afraid that my parents will ask too many questions and make it awkward. Other than that the only negative thing my dad has said about Artworks! so far is ‘liberal’. And that’s only negative to him. It doesn’t really matter to me either way because I have my values. I really, really, really hope that I get to go. They’ve told me not to get my hopes up and that I shouldn’t go this semester, but they’re already way up there. After we have the tour or whatever we’re doing I’ll probably get to go to class with Emili and then drive back to my house after school. :) So, I guess it’s nervous excitement. I feel better about it now. Life is still good. I can’t stop smiling.

15.

Today was exceptional. Firstly, someone told me that I had great hair. Then later on the way to Theatre Kailia handed me a mix CD, which was really nice of her! It totally made my day because no one ever does stuff like that for me. I had a funny lunch. Becca insists on being upset with me about drummermancandy. The weather today was great as well. But, my phone died half way through the day so I couldn’t text Emili. Last night I was up quite late until about twelve. I was thinking it would just be well worth it and I wouldn’t really mind being tired today. Strangely enough I haven’t been very tired at all today. Maybe it’s all that rest I got on my couch yesterday. :)

Oh & look I’m posting, Emili!

13.

I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately. School is bogging me down progressively and I am beginning to hate it. Teachers insult my intelligence, based on their own insecurities and bad moods and my peers horrify me. Thinking about going to a new school, I’ve been watching people and observing them. I’ve been a people-watcher since a very young age. I would latch onto my mother’s friend’s legs and listen to their conversations and then I would run and report to my mother who was pregnant! Anyhow, I’ve been watching people at school and they’re absolutely sickening. The way that they treat each other is repulsive and depressing. If they don’t like the way that someone looks then they don’t like that person. They suggest that you throw things at them or say bad things about them. I never knew that high school would be like this. I thought everyone would have matured a lot more and wouldn’t decrease in maturity and courteousness. I’m not saying I’m not a part of this, or was a part of it. But, I’m done being typical again and I’m done riding around with the norm. I’ll no longer “go with the flow” because the flow generally isn’t moral or right at this point of my life.

Aside from school I’ve been having a good time. I’ve been hanging around Emili quite a bit and it’s refreshing to have nice new friends.

12.

It seems to me that I met you at the highest point of you. You were innocent and smart. Then, you just stopped. It’s been a downward spiral from there. I opened my heart up to you when you were still that girl that I wanted. Now, I’m confused because you’ve changed from that moment. You’re a different person than you were at that point and time and I’m stuck liking that person that you were. Now, I’m just baffled and don’t know how I feel. You shouldn’t feel bad about changing; everyone does it. But, just know that I’m at a really confusing and mind-boggling state right now and that’s most likely why I’m keeping my distance.

11.

I think it’s significant that this is my eleventh post. Eleven is a magical number. Tonight was a really fun night. I think that today especially though, I realized the sooner I get out of a normal high school system the better. Talking about it and looking for things in the school that were not for me really reitterated that and I really hope that Artworks! will work out for me. I went to Fourth Avenue this afternoon with Emili and Becca and I bought a vest. There were two heart cut-outs in the pocket and the cashier was like, “Oh weird!” Somehow this is fate and allegorical. I’m just not sure how yet.

10.

I honestly do not understand other people. This is not an immature, lame attempt to set myself apart from other or try to sound different. I honestly can’t grasp peoples’ actions and thoughts. I don’t get how people react to one another and how they treat each other. How are they so close to each other? I know what I’m trying to say; but you don’t.